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SAY WHAT? STUDEBAKER AND HUMMER?
STUPID LAWSUITS OVER LOOK ALIKE
VEHICLES.
By: Dorothy Anne Seese
This has to be one for the books!
First, I recall the 1946 Studebaker and all of Bob Hope's jokes about not
being able to tell which way it was headed. But at the very least, when I
was a kid, when I was a teen, and then when I was an adult and even
entering middle-age (from which I refuse to emerge) we could all tell
American cars from foreign cars, and we could tell one American car from
another.
Today I found out that General Motors sued Avanti Motor Company because
its Studebaker SUV looked too much like the GM Hummer.
Having seen the Hummer, I would say the accusation that any vehicle
resembled that juggernaut of ugliness would be grounds for the other party
to sue, in this case Avanti. However, the two motor companies have reached
some kind of agreement on how to disagree over who has the ugliest vehicle
in the world.
I believe this is the first time I have heard the name "Studebaker" since
the 1950's when I was a teen. The Studebaker, the Nash Rambler, the Hudson
Hornet were distinguishable automobiles in their day. Just as the
Cadillacs of that day were unique for their fins, so other automobiles had
pizazz. I once owned a 1970 Buick that was distinguishable as being a
Buick for as far as the eye could see. I owned a 1972 Ford LTD that
shouted "I'm a FORD" and it was built like a tank. Now I own a Dodge
Dakota and while it doesn't exactly distinguish itself as a Dodge, it's a
pretty, midsized pickup truck that I bought for its height. I don't have
to crawl in and I don't have to climb up. That's the way automobiles were
before they were all subject to manufacturing specifications by the
government and its pit bull, the EPA.
Line up any twelve automobiles of approximately the same size, each white,
and each from a different manufacturer, foreign and American, and what do
you have? Either a dozen eggs that escaped from the carton, or twelve
clones looking for some new DNA.
But of all the vehicles, none captures my imagination, not really. I kid
about the Dodge Viper, but with my back I couldn't get into it, let alone
out. All mini-vans look alike, but the one I like best, if I were to get a
mini-van (and I would like a new vehicle) would be the Dodge Grand
Caravan. Sometimes I kid about getting a Toyota Spyder and have a red and
white racing suit made to go with it, but that won't happen either. I am
buying Walgreens four prescriptions at a time for my back problems.
Ford and General Motors leave me cold. I cannot tell a Toyota from a Honda
or a Hyundai, and I thought Avanti was a high-priced restaurant in Paris.
Or New York. Somewhere. Worse yet I cannot tell a Cadillac until I get
close enough to see its emblem. Now that is bad. Buicks are okay, but I
need to see their insignia also before I know whether it's actually a
Buick or some other make and model.
You know the government is running the automotive industry when all cars
look alike. They most certainly are not priced alike.
Money is probably the issue in the GM vs Avanti lawsuit, since both are
ridiculously priced somewhat like a new aircraft carrier. Why pay an
outrageous price for a repainted military vehicle with a better interior?
So you can run over smaller cars and intimidate people on the freeway, of
course. That and it's suddenly the "in" thing to do to own one. Somehow I
cannot see driving up to The Phoenican (which is in Phoenix, oddly enough)
in a Hummer wearing a new outfit from Nordstrom's.
Nevertheless, it was good to see the name "Studebaker" again. I wonder
what brought that back? And they brought it back not in a passenger car
but a heavy-duty war vehicle for the upper crust who never will see a war.
Unless, of course, it's brought to the US courtesy of some terrorists who
got through all that tight security we have on our southern border.
Back to the drawing boards, engineers. Ugly is ugly, but your ugly has to
be different than their ugly. Now go look at some Bradleys at the nearest
army base, or better yet, get to Area 51 and see what the aliens are
doing. They might be wondering what we are up to, clogging the streets and
freeways with automobiles that look like they came off the same assembly
line used by the aliens who make all those perfectly round flying saucers.
My bragging rights are that I can still remember the 1957 Chevy Bel Air,
chrome and all.
Published originally at EtherZone.com.
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