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Clogging Our Arteries or Clogging the Courts?
-- Special Edition: Part 2 --
We’d like to
welcome you Part 2 of our two part special edition of the Lawyers Stink
Email Newsletter (click here to read Special
Edition Part 1
entitled “Would You Like Fries With That Lawsuit?”).
As you know from our
Part 1 issue, a number of junk food junkies and greedy attorneys are now
lining up to sue fast food restaurants claiming that their food is to
blame for a number of health related problems being suffered by the
plaintiffs bringing the lawsuits.
A 56 year old man and his New York attorney got the ball rolling by suing
McDonalds, Burger King, KFC and Wendy’s for a variety of ailments which he
claims were caused by eating at the aforementioned fast food joints four
or five times a week. Then several others were quick to jump on fast food
lawsuit express.
Do these lawsuits, where the plaintiffs are suing fast food chains for the
greasy grub these individuals stuffed into their own mouths, really
surprise any of us? No. In fact, we as a nation have become almost
desensitized to the flurry of nonsensical lawsuits that constantly fly all
around us. People choosing to point their pudgy fingers at somebody else
for his or her lack of personal responsibility and will power is nothing
new.
But does this “sue unto others before they sue onto you” mindset make
this abuse of the legal system any less disgusting? Of course not. So what
does this say about the state of America’s legal system? Not much.
In Chapter Eleven of
Wake Up and Smell the Lawyers, our
highly heralded book on the sorry plight of America’s legal system, we hit
the nail on the head when we said it was only a matter of time before the
fast food industry started getting hammered by lawyers looking to make a
billion or two (click
here to read excerpts from the book). Were we visionaries in making
should a bold prediction? Hardly. It was an easy call. The fast food
industry possessed all the prerequisites required to attract a bevy of
class action lawsuits.
First of all, and most importantly, the fast food companies have deep
pockets. That fact alone was enough in and of itself to assure lawsuits
galore. Oh sure, there have been some fast food lawsuits over spilled
coffee, hot pickles and the like – but none of those previous lawsuits had
the sizzle to generate the megabucks associated with a major class action.
Now armed with these obesity and health related problem lawsuits, lawyers
have their feet (not to mention their greedy hands) in the door.
The second requirement for the filing of a class action lawsuit was also
easily met – the fast food restaurants have plenty of customers. Millions
and millions of them. Don’t think, even for a minute, that the high
profile of these fast food companies didn’t factor into the filing of
these cases. If the lead plaintiff had been wolfing down triple
cheeseburgers at the local burger doodle, do you think old burger doodle
would have been hammered with the lawsuit? No way. Why? Because burger
doodle doesn’t have the big bank account or the huge customer base.
Let’s face the music here. No one is better at parlaying millions of
customers into a super sized collection of disgruntled plaintiffs than the
classless class action lawyers themselves. Even if the lawyers don’t win
this time around (and don’t bet against them – we’ll explain why in a
moment), you can be absolutely sure that this initial foray is just the
beginning of what is sure to become a full fledged fast food lawsuit
feeding frenzy.
The lawyers will keep bringing these lawsuits in plaintiff friendly
environs until they score a win in court – and then it’s off to the races
as was the case in the tobacco lawsuits. If they don’t win this time, then
maybe they will the next time around. These class action gladiators know
that sooner or later they’ll prevail in court and when they do, then there
will be no stopping them. If you wax nostalgically back to the early days
of the tobacco cases, you’ll remember that the tobacco companies always
prevailed in court. Always. Did these initial setbacks stop the lawyers
from bringing even more cases? No way.
Once the lawyers won a couple of cases, the tide quickly turned and before
the Marlboro Man and Joe Camel knew what had hit them, the emboldened
lawyers had the tobacco companies reeling. Huge settlements, to the tune
of hundreds of billions of dollars, soon ensued. Quite naturally, these
settlements resulted in tens of billions of dollars in lawyer fees.
Predictably, that dough only whetted their appetites. The class action
lawyers further refined their class action shakedown scheme and began
terrorizing virtually every industry in America, resulting in more
megabuck
settlements and even more lawsuits.
These class action lawsuit plagued industries included the banking,
asbestos, silicon implant, dietary supplement, gun, health care, lead
paint, toxic mold, oil and gas and of course, the tobacco industries. The
lawyers got better at bringing the lawsuits and found more attractive
venues for their class action capers. They learned how to destroy their adversaries
in the press and how to efficiently siphon heretofore ungodly sums of
money from these companies. Now they’re gunning for trouble and “Big Fast
Food” is squarely in their sites. You’d better watch out, Ronald McDonald.
OK, let’s lay out the lawyer’s case here and I’ll interject my comments as
we go along. It’s important that we understand that the trial lawyers see
the fast food industry as another potential tobacco bonanza. But they’re
not alone. As usual, when the opportunity for extorting money from
Corporate America avails itself, politicians looking to get their hands in
the cookie jar are never far behind. These money grubbing bureaucrats, not
to be outdone by the money grubbing lawyers, see the payoff potential of
levying a “sin” tax on fast foods like a 400 pound man sees a pepperoni
pizza. It’s just too tempting to resist.
Coupled with all of the brewing brouhaha over obesity in America, the
stage is set for the lawyers to sue fast food makers on the health related
ailments of the industry’s customers.
Here’s the case against “Big Fast Food” in a nutshell:
#1. The fast food restaurants sell unhealthy food that makes their
customers fat and also causes them to suffer health related ailments.
#2. The fast food restaurants know, and have known, that they’re food is
loaded with fat, salt, sugar and cholesterol and is detrimental to the
health of their customers.
#3. The fast food restaurants failed to adequately disclose the caloric,
fat and cholesterol content of its foods to its customers
#4. The fast food restaurants deliberately made their products 'addictive'
and their customers just can’t help themselves when it comes to eating the
stuff.
#5. Last, but certainly not least (as far as the lawyers are
concerned anyway), the fast food companies need to pony up and pay the
viper; oops, I mean piper.
Here are my comments on each of the salient points the lawyers have
brought forward.
#1. Nobody has to eat at the fast food restaurants. Eating, or for that
matter, not eating at any of these fast food places is a personal choice.
#2. Anybody who can fog a mirror knows darn good and well that wolfing down
burgers, fries and fried chicken and chugging down quarts of Coke is not
good for you, regardless of whether you eat this food at home, at a fancy
restaurant or at one of these targeted fast food joints.
These “victims” want us to believe a) they didn’t know that the fast food
was bad for them and b) they couldn’t help themselves. I’ll let you draw
your own conclusion about those so-called facts.
#3. The fast food restaurants already disclose the caloric, fat and salt
contents on nutritional boards in the restaurants. By the way, if you buy
into the swill the lawyers are dishing in these cases, then why draw the
line here?
Why not make every single place where consumers buy food, from the
swanky five star bistros all the way down to the corner taco stands,
disclose the content of their foods? Come on, let’s get real here. Even if
this nutritional information was put right there on the food wrapper (or
even a Surgeon General warning for that matter), would that information
stop the person from chomping down on the triple-decker burger? Not a
chance.
And while we’re on the subject of disclosure, why don’t we have the lawyers
‘fess up and disclose the ungodly amount of jack they’re looking to score from
this
class action swindle.
#4. This addictive argument is a joke, but so is this lawsuit. Addicted to
cheeseburgers? Come on, for crying out loud, have they no shame whatsoever? Of course they don’t.
#5. This lawsuit needs to be summarily dismissed and the dopey lawyer
bringing the case should be sanctioned by the court.
Under the guise of helping the poor and underprivileged, the lawyers will
look to convince a judge and jury about how these folks were hoodwinked
and bamboozled by the big, mean, nasty fast food giants.
Since this is not
a criminal trial (although it probably should be against the lawyer
bringing this horse poop lawsuit), all the lawyer needs to do, once the
lawsuit is granted class action certification by the presiding judge, is
trot out his victims, convince the requisite majority of the jury to side
with his victims and then sit back and collect the winnings.
And what kind of winnings are we talking about here? Since the lawyer is
seeking class action certification of the lawsuit, we could be talking
staggering, mind numbing, break the bank type of numbers. Depending on
what parameters are used in establishing the class size, anyone who has
eaten at any of these restaurants could potentially be a class member –
and you’re looking at untold millions of people.
As is the case in the majority of class action settlements or awards, the
lead plaintiff or plaintiffs (also called the class representatives) will
get a decent payoff. The lawyer or lawyers will rake in tens if not
hundreds of millions of dollars in fees while the rest of the class, those
millions of people who were tossed into the class in order to jack up the size of the pay out, will be lucky if
they get a happy meal.
Regardless of how patently absurd these fast food lawsuits sound, don’t
bet against the lawyers. They know how to play this class action shell
game all too well. And don’t be surprised to hear local and national
politicos espousing the tremendous benefits of taxing these “bad” foods.
It’s all about the money. Always has been. The fast food chains have it –
and everyone else wants to divvy it up.
If these goofy lawyers bringing these goofy lawsuits prevail, the
customers at these fast food restaurants will get stuck paying the tab.
Have it your way? Now you’ve said a mouthful there, partner.
As always, we wish you a lawyer free day!
Hey, if you’ve got a goofy lawsuit you’d like to pass on to us, simply
click
Stupid Lawsuits and Other Funny Stuff and we’ll add yours to
our ever growing list of stupid lawsuits.
And while you’re at in, why not take a few moments and check out our
growing collection of
Funny Lawyer
Quotes, Jokes and Cartoons?
Wake Up and Smell the Lawyers Book: If you haven’t read our highly acclaimed book, you’re missing out on
a load of information about America’s legal system – and a load of laughs
as well. You can read excerpts taken from the book by clicking
book
chapter summaries here.
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